In the western world, it takes guts to live in the moment (a certain level of financial security, too, I would argue, though that conversation is for another time).
We live in a society that is built around the future. A society of five-year plans and 401Ks and the putting away of funds for the arrival of unborn children who are many moons away from conception.
To an extent, I believe that’s all well and good. Taking responsibility for one’s own life does require planning. Yet, there is such a thing as planning to such an extreme that it becomes debilitating. Anxiety is rooted in unnecessary and unhealthy worrying about the future, and we live in a society where anxiety is running rampant.
Mindfulness is all the rage right now. Some might say it’s a passing fad, and perhaps it is. That said, I do believe in the concept of mindfulness. I’m in a good place right now, and I attribute that to mindfulness. I’ve been working to relentlessly follow my intuition, to do what feels right for me regardless of what others might think of it (if I want to lay on my bed for three hours and do nothing, and I have the time to lay on my bed for three hours and do nothing, I’m going to do it); I do yoga everyday, and I only commit to people and activities if I genuinely want to and/or believe it is in my best interest.
Subbing is going well for me. I’ve had a couple streaks where I haven’t gotten work, which admittedly have been stressful, but for the most part, I’m going into schools every Tuesday through Friday. I’ve been mostly switching off between two different schools, and I’m developing good relationships with staff and students at both. They are conveniently located close enough to my house that I can easily walk to one of them, and I hop on a nearby bus line to get to the other. I occasionally go to other schools, but I’ve been enjoying the consistency of switching off between the two schools I frequent. When I first started subbing, I was really worried that going to different schools everyday would be unnecessarily stressful; while I do love switching things up in theory, I function best in consistent environments. Building relationships with these two schools, then, has been so perfect. I still get to enjoy switching things up regularly, but I’m doing so in two settings that I’ve grown comfortable in. On days that I don’t get subbing, I remind myself that I always have VIPKID to fall back on. I still do VIPKID on Monday mornings, and I tutor a third grader in reading Monday afternoons. Continue reading “Present Moments: Late Fall 2017”
A valid question, of late.
A lot of personal growth and change has been happening in recent months. I could go into the details of all that growth and change–a previous version of Britta surely would have–but now, being so open on the internet seems incredibly invasive to me. While I may be one of over seven billion people in the world, and does it really matter what I write on this tiny corner of the internet?–the fact of the matter is, I’ve changed. What I’m comfortable putting out to the world–even to just a few readers here and there–has changed.
I’m not really sure where this blog is going. I’m not ready to be done with it, but I also don’t have a clear vision for its future. I have always seen this blog as an extension of myself–so I am perfectly fine with letting it mirror the changes in my life. I’m perfectly fine with taking time of off from writing to allow for further evolution in myself.
I suppose that’s okay, though. It’s okay to let ideas be for a while. It’s okay to let them form, mature, take differing and wildly imaginative shapes.
I have no idea what this place is right now, but it’ll figure itself out in time.
November has been rough.
It’s been an anxiety-ridden month filled with uncertainty and confusion.
On a national scale, I was rocked by the outcome of the U.S. election. I walked around on election day convinced, like much of the rest of America, that we would wake up the next morning to the first female president-elect ever. It was going to be historic and beautiful and I would be joyful.
On a personal level, I’ve been experiencing a massive amount of change as well. I’ve had an exhausting few weeks where I’ve been processing not only the change happening around me–in the wake of the election results and the way people have been reacting to them–but also in accepting that there is a great change happening within me.
I see a lot of parallels between the two that I’m going to attempt to articulate here.
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In the aftermath of the election, I simultaneously realized that not only was the projected outcome of this election grounded so much in expectation, but that I live so much of my life grounded in expectation–and how unhappy that makes me.
Lately, I’ve been frequently reminded of a conversation I had with a friend of mine back when I was in Thailand: “You think too much, and that keeps you from actually doing all the things you want to do,” she told me. It’s a truth I’ve been working on changing this entire year–and one that became increasingly apparent to me throughout the course of this month.
It’s a fine balance for me, thinking and doing. As an intuitive introvert, thinking and processing is how I understand the world around me. I love going out into the world and experiencing it. Too many experiences overwhelm and exhaust me, Continue reading “Where I’m at, Now”
Being able to obtain an education is one of the greatest gifts the world can offer and I’m grateful for all that I learned in my four years of college–both inside and outside the classroom. That said, I firmly believe that it is possible to learn just as much outside an academic setting, if not more. Going out into the world is a different type of learning than what is offered inside a university setting–rather than developing my critical thinking skills and pushing the boundaries of my mind as I did in college, I’ve learned a lot from personal experiences in the last year. Here I present some little nuggets of wisdom that I took away from my first year out of college. It’s only the beginning and I’m positive there is much more to come from my ventures in learning out in the quote-on-quote “real world.” So, without further ado:
- Loneliness is sometimes self-inflicted. You and only you have the power to build relationships with the people around you. No one else will do that for you. If you’re nice to people and show an interest in them, they’ll probably like you. For most of my life, I’ve struggled with building meaningful relationships with people and had no idea what to do–turns out it’s way easier than I ever thought and I just over analyze the hell out of everything.
- An unknown future is only terrifying if you allow it to be terrifying. Too many people are afraid to follow their dreams because they’re afraid of the unknown, but life is too short not to embrace the opportunities you want to embrace. In fact, if it scares you, you’re probably doing something right.
Continue reading “Post College: One Year Out and Still Learning”
Commencement occurred in a perfect sliver of time on Saturday. Seriously. The sun was bright, the sky was clear. It was cool, but not cold (though I was still very warm underneath my black gown). Within a half hour after the ceremony finished, the clouds started rolling in. It’s been raining pretty much non-stop ever since. We got so lucky with the gorgeous weather and I’m SO thankful I was able to graduate outside on my beautiful college campus on the prairie.
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Being a college graduate is a funny thing. Well, to be more accurate, this period of transition is a funny thing. Leaving campus today was extremely bittersweet. As I was driving away, part of me wanted to turn around and speed back to the place I’ve called home for four years.
The other part of me, however, knew that I couldn’t do that. It’s time to move on. It’s time to experience more of the world, to learn and grow outside of a university setting.
What’s next for me, then, you might be wondering.
Well, first, home. I’m sitting on my childhood bed at home right now typing this post up. I haven’t been home since early January and here I am. Writing on my childhood bed.
I’m spending the summer at home. My goal is to find a temporary job, to
hang out with the high school friends I haven’t seen in a while and the college Continue reading “Oh Hey, I Graduated!”
It’s a thing.
A thing I recently developed last semester.
In the last month or so of last semester, I was always hungry. I was eating at all hours of the day. 3 a.m.? No problem. I was up writing those papers I had Continue reading “It’s That Time in the Semester…”
I realized something important today:
I’m scared for the future.
I don’t know where I’ll be in a year and that’s scary. Continue reading “Uncertain and Afraid (Journal Entry #2)”
Clayton A. Gay Hall.
It’s ugly (Cold War era, looks like a bomb shelter ugly). My room is too warm all the time. The bathrooms could be a smidge bigger. The walls are too thin and the Continue reading “Nostalgic Appreciation”
Today, one of my distance mentorship professors (who teaches at a school in North Carolina) called into our class video conference from D.C.
You could say I was a little jealous of her. Okay, a lot jealous.
Continue reading “Homesick for The District”