My Search for Personal Independence

One of the things I have always prided myself on is my independence.

I have never felt the need to go along with the most recent trends (as teenage Britta proclaimed more than once with much disdain, “Ugg boots are so appropriately named…because they’re soo ugly”) or to go along with societal ideals that make little sense or seem soul-sucking (there seriously has to be a more productive and effective method of working than the 9-5 job construct). I am a firm believer that we have built a society around ourselves that is much too complex, and the idea of having to participate in it is, really, somewhat maddening.

I listen to my heart and do what feels right, regardless of what other people think.

I mean, this is how I ended up in Thailand in the first place. That independent spirit, that desire for adventure and, quite frankly, the desire to avoid our ever-complicated society for as long as possible.

Seemed simple, right?

In fact, for me, it was almost too simple.

When I tell people about my Thailand experience, I often hear, “Oh, you are so brave. I could never do that.” Meaning, they could never move to a different country with a completely different language and culture.

Well let me tell you, it was hard. Living there was hard. The country and the culture were so exhausting to me and, as much as I wanted to become more comfortable there, to call Thailand a long-term home (because, oh, I did want that), it eventually became quite apparent that that wasn’t going to happen.

So, yes, actually living there didn’t work out for me. But–getting on a plane and actually moving there? Geez, that was almost too easy. Too easy that I barely even thought about it. And you know why? Because once I got there, I didn’t have to Continue reading “My Search for Personal Independence”

#WeekendCoffeeShare–The Obligatory Post-Date Update and Other Stories

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I’m feeling much better than I was last week at this time. After spending half the day on Monday in bed, I forced myself to get up because I had dinner plans with a friend and, after a good night’s rest on Monday night, I felt much better on Tuesday.

If we were having coffee, I’d ask if you remember that post about birth control that I wrote a few weeks ago? Well, it was all for naught. In the end, I didn’t get any lecture about going off of birth control, though that is probably mostly because my doctor read through the wrong file before coming into my appointment and totally thought I was someone else. He apologized when he realized the mistake and I truly do think he felt quite terrible. I admit, it did feel a bit impersonal, being asked about someone else’s recently inserted IUD and someone’s job, but I Continue reading “#WeekendCoffeeShare–The Obligatory Post-Date Update and Other Stories”

In Which I Forgive, Learn, and Understand

We both learned a lot from our relationship, that’s for sure, and you have no idea how much I’ve grown. I’m at a point in my life where I can forgive you. I do forgive you. Of course, that doesn’t justify anything that happened between us, anything you did to me. That said, I also recognize how twisted and unhealthy our relationship was and how it drove us both to act insensitively and, often times, quite selfishly. I know I was incredibly selfish throughout much of our time together…

A few nights ago, I gathered the courage to write and send a message to my ex-boyfriend. This ex-boyfriend. Well, to be quite clear, the only ex-boyfriend. In my Continue reading “In Which I Forgive, Learn, and Understand”

In Which I Talk About Some Extremely Private Parts of Myself that I Guess are Pretty Public Now

Reblogging this one from a few months ago. I reread it today and realized it probably is the post I’m most proud of to date…and I’d like to get it out to a wider audience now that I sort of kind of have one.

It's a Britta Bottle!

Dear Reader,

It’s about to get personal…

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Lessons on Self-Worth from a Dingy Dive Bar

“What are you afraid of?”

The bar was crowded, the music was too loud–overpowering really. Something that was a constant every Thursday night. Regardless of how many people were there, the terrible loudness of the music never changed from week to week.

He leaned in closer, his lips, which moments ago had been on hers, were now a breath away from her ear.

Again.

“What are you afraid of?”

It was playful. Unassuming. She had no reason to fear this question or the man Continue reading “Lessons on Self-Worth from a Dingy Dive Bar”

A Friendship Like No Other

At the beginning, Gabby and Caitlin seemed like an unconventional pair if there ever was one.

They were the fiery Democrat who’s been Ready for Hillary since the day she was born and the lone Conservative in the Democratic section of the Congressional Baseball game. I’ll always remember the day Gabby got up at 3 am do go to Hillary Clinton’s book signing at a nearby Sam’s Club…how she bought a membership (I kid you not) just to get that book signed by her political hero. I’ll never forget Caitlin’s yelps of disappointment among a throng of cheers, as the Democrats scored yet another run.

Gabby didn’t stop talking from the moment we met and Caitlin was Continue reading “A Friendship Like No Other”

Puzzle Pieces

Break ups are funny sometimes.

Despite all the pain and hurt they can cause and have caused, they’re really quite funny.

Well, at least in my experience.

A week and a half ago, I found myself up late in the Seattle hostel my friends and I were staying in during spring break. Here, I was ferociously writing about how much I still hated my ex. Even though I thought I had gotten past that stage ages ago. Granted, I was just a little (okay, Continue reading “Puzzle Pieces”