Late last night, I was looking through my computer and found some old Word documents that hadn’t been looked at in ages. In particular, I took a look at a makeshift journal I had created during my freshman year of college, since I had left my paper journal at home and was looking for a way to vent about my feelings in the pre-blogging stage of my life. I was astounded to read some of the things I had written in this journal…I sounded so lonely and dejected. Looking back, I am well aware of the fact that I wasn’t at my happiest during this time, however reading the things my 18 and 19 year old self had to say was a bit of punch to the gut…I couldn’t believe this is the life I was living. I’ve grown so much in the past four years, and for that I am incredibly thankful. I hardly recognize the girl I was when I started at Morris and that is most definitely a good thing. However, I think it’s worth looking back to see how far I’ve come. After all, that is in the true spirit of the purpose I had in creating this blog.
After reading a particularly raw entry from January 2012 where I simply stated how lonely I was, I decided to give my 18 year old self a pep talk. The below letter is the result:
Dear 18 year old Britta,
You’re going through a bit of a rough time here. You were so excited to go to college and now you’re there. You’re halfway through your freshman year, which is crazy (but believe me, you’ll think it’s even crazier when senior year rolls around). You finally have a boyfriend (isn’t that what you’ve been dreaming of your whole life?) and you’ve met a lot of fun people at Morris. Despite all that, you’re hurting. You feel that you shouldn’t be, given your circumstances, but you are and you know it. You know you’re an introvert and you know that you have trouble connecting with people because of that, but it just sucks that these people you met at the beginning of the year and who you were so excited about getting to know, aren’t connecting with you in the way Continue reading “A Letter to My 18 Year Old Self”