This is a Post Where I Make Important Realizations About Myself. That is All.

Today is a day of clarity.

Let me tell you why.

These last few weeks have been…strange. Strange in a way that I haven’t really been able to put into words. I was very aware of feeling off, but I didn’t really know how to describe it to anyone–let alone, myself–so I didn’t. I wasn’t ignoring the feeling, per se. I was more confused than anything. Being in a new town, in a new job, in a completely different country–it is all so much, and processing everything has been really hard. Unable to describe my own feelings but yearning to write, I turned to fiction to soothe my nerves…yet, I was still on edge…because although nothing was seriously wrong, I still didn’t know how to describe all these feelings going on inside of me.

But…I think I can now. After a much needed weekend to myself (seriously, I’ve done next to nothing, and it’s been amazing), I feel like I have the space to distance myself from these emotions and really consider them.

Let me explain:

Being in Chiang Mai during my October TESOL course was easily one of the highest emotional periods of my life. The amount of joy and happiness I experienced during October 2015–for such a consecutive period of time–was simply unheard of for me before that. It’s not that I was unhappy before my TESOL course. It’s not that life was terrible before TESOL. In fact, it was the exact opposite. My last year of college was an amazing period of personal growth. My last semester of college, specifically, was easily my best semester of college. A period of my life that I will always cherish. This past summer, working as an espresso bar barista at a gas station, of all places, was also an incredible experience for me. I pushed myself in new ways by working in the food service industry, and I can safely say that some of my coworkers fundamentally shaped me into the person I am today (and that is looking back to three months ago). I loved my job as a barista and will always cherish the, albeit temporary, home I Continue reading “This is a Post Where I Make Important Realizations About Myself. That is All.”

Balance

2014 was a year of learning and growth.

It was a year where everything I thought I knew about myself and the world around me were thrown out the window.

If we begin at the beginning, 2014 did not start out well for me.

My first five months of 2014 were clouded in darkness; I have never been more terrified or more uncertain of everything about this life than in those five months. Continue reading “Balance”

Things to Keep in Mind

So, it’s that time in the semester when I have way too much to do and don’t want to do any of it. One of my friends asked me a couple of weeks ago, “I noticed you’ve been blogging a lot…how do you have time for that?” Meaning–“you are taking 16 grueling credits this semester, you have a practically full time job as a student hall director, you’re involved in way too many extracurriculars for your own good, somehow you manage to work out a few times a week, and you still have time to blog? ARE YOU CRAZY?”

Well, in short, no. At least I don’t think so. However, I am having a touch of senioritis and have become an expert procrastinator.

That being said, it’s getting down to crunch time. I don’t want to do anything. This is a problem. I also haven’t been using my time wisely as it is, which I’m not proud of. So, to motivate myself, I have decided to write a list of things that I need to keep in mind as I push through these next five weeks. Really, this list is useful for anytime of the year, though it resonates with me particularly in this high stress, low motivation time period as the end of the semester looms over me.

Without further ado… Continue reading “Things to Keep in Mind”

It’s that Time in the Semester When College Students Begin to Lose their Shit…

My brain is fried today.

I spent all of last night and a part of this morning working on my history senior seminar. I only have seven pages of my paper. I  know I should have more given that my rough draft is due on Tuesday. I keep telling myself that that’s seven pages I didn’t have a few days ago. My senior seminar still has a long way to go. Did I mention my rough draft is due Tuesday? I keep having to remind myself that a rough draft is just that…rough. There is going to be nothing beautiful about it and as long as I have all the basic ideas down on paper is some way, shape, or form, I’ll be alright. I’m shooting for twenty pages with this rough draft, but we’ll see what happens.

I have a lot of reading to do tonight, but I can’t focus right now on any homework. I’m going to head off to the gym soon to get a much needed work out in. Right now, sitting down to write a blog post is some much needed down time.

It’s getting to that point in the semester where life as I know it just stops happening and I become a bit of a mechanical robot. Class. Homework. Eat. Homework. Homework. Sleep. Repeat. Friends become a thing of the past. Talk of a solid eight hour’s rest at night would be a laughable matter if my current sleep schedule, or lack of one, wasn’t actually such a serious issue. But really, sleep is so important and I don’t get enough of it. Continue reading “It’s that Time in the Semester When College Students Begin to Lose their Shit…”

Fighting off the evil College Monster

Lately, I have been having this constant daydream of sitting down with a good book and losing myself in it. I’m not analyzing or questioning the text in any way; I am enjoying the book for what it is…a book with an engaging story that allows me to escape into another world for a little while. A nice, hot cup of tea is sometimes involved in this daydream.

Alas, college has taken over my life and this daydream has failed to become any sort of reality. I thought about writing my own post about this, but I think my fellow Morris English major, Amelia, has said it best. It’s getting to that time in the semester where the evil College Monster is simply becoming unavoidable.

Keep Your Feet

Every once in a while, College likes to pick you up, toss you in the air a bit, and then to grind you into dust.  It doesn’t matter how diligent a student you are–no amount of non-procrastination shields you from its bloodthirsty gaze.  When College decides to devour you, you really don’t stand much of a chance.

But still, valiant scholastic warrior that you are,  you grab your textbooks, put your laptop in your bag (just in case) and step into the fray.  Wielding your mighty number 2 pencil, you are determined that no amount of homework, tests, and studying will defeat you.  You will not go down without a fight.

That pretty much sums up my week.  Unexpected projects and assignments have come up, leaving me to study every second of the day and still come up short.  I hit a point where I was sitting in my Visual…

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The Magic of the Word “When”

Here’s a rundown of a typical Fall 2014 Monday in the life of Britta:

9:00–get up (you might say, gee, that’s awfully late for a Monday. Well, I don’t have class until 10:30, and when you go to bed at 2 am on a regular basis, 9:00 is a perfectly reasonable time to get up). I usually catch up on some reading for school while eating breakfast to make the best use of my time.

10:30–head to Minnesota History (an unchallenging, though interesting 2000 level history class that ended up being a good idea to have in my schedule since I also have two very demanding upper level classes that are taking up a lot of my homework time).

11:35–get out of class and head back to my hall for a quick break before…

11:50–HD staff meeting where we discuss everything that we need to pass onto our CA’s at our hall staff meetings on Tuesday and other HDey stuff.

12:20-12:50 (or whenever the meeting ends)–head back to my room to check my Morris e-mail and make sure my staff has all their weekly reports in (these are a way for CA’s to let their supervisors know what’s going on in life and on their floor since we don’t see them every day). I send an e-mail response to every CA on my staff so they know I’ve read them and then I have lunch.

2:00–1:1 with one of my CA’s. I then work on homework and/or get distracted by the internet (I’m sure every college student out there can relate to this). In the event that I’m feeling really overwhelmed, I’ll take some time away from homework completely.

3:30–Head to Brit Lit 1 (Another 2000 level course that I need for my English major and didn’t have a chance to take until this semester. I didn’t think I’d enjoy it as much as I am, but it’s super interesting!).

4:35–head back to my room and change for Dance Ensemble.

5:00–Dance Ensemble practice.

6:00–Dinner time, some precious free time to study/veg a little bit if I feel like I can’t focus.

8:30–Meet with Community Council Board (as the Hall Director, one of my responsibilities is to advise the hall government).

9:00–Community Council Meeting.

9:15-9:20 (or whenever the meeting ends)–Homework time, probably at the library, for the rest of the night.

Between 1:00 and 2:00 am (on a good night): SLEEP!

You might ask, why am I sharing this all? Why should you care about my Monday schedule? Well, you probably don’t, but I wanted to give a visual of how busy I am this semester (Monday’s are particularly busy, and it’s also a Monday today so all this is incredibly fresh in my mind). This semester is undoubtedly the busiest that I’ve Continue reading “The Magic of the Word “When””