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February 21, 2015, Late Evening

I’m feeling anxious right now and I don’t know why. 

I’ve been feeling anxious most of the day.

I did yoga. It helped.

I blogged. It, too, helped.

But I’m still anxious. My chest is burning from this anxiety. 

It’s not an entirely hopeless anxious. I have so much to be excited for, really, and I am excited. Yet, I’m still anxious and this burning is uncomfortable and I don’t want to go to bed feeling this way

Maybe its because I know my world is changing. It is changing as I write this. I am not the same person I was last year, six months ago, even last week. I an constantly changing, and it’s beautiful, wonderful, amazing. 
Continue reading “February 21, 2015, Late Evening“

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USPS Delivers…! (Volume II)

With the caps and gowns, the traditional Pomp and Circumstance, and the general excitement of turning another page in life, commencement is a day for celebration. The lengthiness of the ceremony aside, there is so much energy in the air–the energy of academic accomplishment and awaiting new opportunities.

Yet, for all intents and purposes, commencement is not graduation. A commencement ceremony is not a graduation ceremony. For all intents and purposes, commencement is a symbolic measure of accomplishment that is based off of years and years of tradition.

Grades must be submitted. All scholastic requirements must be officially met. That is, before students are officially considered graduates.

Worst case scenario, a student could walk across the stage at commencement only to end up failing that very last class they needed to Continue reading “USPS Delivers…! (Volume II)”

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A Steam Tunnels Story

I’ve been in the steam tunnels twice.

The first time I was too anxious to get more than a few steps.

The second time, I made it all the way to the legendary corridor where students have left their mark for years. Finally, as a day old alum, I signed the wall.

Better late than never!

So says my contribution to the wall. It was a long time coming, after all. It was something I had been hoping to do for ages.

— — — —

I had first heard about the tunnels at the beginning of my sophomore year of college, during Community Advisor training (or, Resident Assistant for all y’all more familiar with the more common term…if you don’t even know what Continue reading “A Steam Tunnels Story”

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Oh Hey, I Graduated!

Commencement occurred in a perfect sliver of time on Saturday. Seriously. The sun was bright, the sky was clear. It was cool, but not cold (though I was still very warm underneath my black gown). Within a half hour after the ceremony finished, the clouds started rolling in. It’s been raining pretty much non-stop ever since. We got so lucky with the gorgeous weather and I’m SO thankful I was able to graduate outside on my beautiful college campus on the prairie.

— — —

Being a college graduate is a funny thing. Well, to be more accurate, this period of transition is a funny thing. Leaving campus today was extremely bittersweet. As I was driving away, part of me wanted to turn around and speed back to the place I’ve called home for four years.

The other part of me, however, knew that I couldn’t do that. It’s time to move on. It’s time to experience more of the world, to learn and grow outside of a university setting.

What’s next for me, then, you might be wondering.

Well, first, home. I’m sitting on my childhood bed at home right now typing this post up. I haven’t been home since early January and here I am. Writing on my childhood bed.

I’m spending the summer at home. My goal is to find a temporary job, to
hang out with the high school friends I haven’t seen in a while and the college Continue reading “Oh Hey, I Graduated!”

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The End (Or, the Beginning of the Rest of My Life)

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. — A.A. Milne

Have you ever asked yourself why you love something?

One of my friends asked me this the other day and I didn’t really know how to answer.

“Er…it’s really complicated, how do I even begin to explain?”

But really?

As I prepare to graduate today, I can’t help but ask myself all the reasons I love Morris. It’s a common string of words for me to say these days. I’ve said it plenty of times here on the blog. “I love this place so much. I’m going to miss it.”

But why? Why do I love this place so much? What is that it I’m going to miss?

Sure, it’s a beautiful place. As a prospective student, I fell in love with this campus Continue reading “The End (Or, the Beginning of the Rest of My Life)”

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This is a Sappy, Emotional Post about College Friendships

Last night, drunk, emotional Britta cried for what felt like ages–it was probably an hour or so–while her friends sat with her drunkingly giving her pep talks about life.

They were tears of joy, happiness, sadness, anger. I don’t remember the last time I cried that hard for that long. I certainly don’t think I’ve ever experienced so many different emotions while crying.

And my friends were with me the whole time, basically telling me how awesome I Continue reading “This is a Sappy, Emotional Post about College Friendships”

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The Winds of Change

Last year, I was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder.

I did not, in fact, have general anxiety like I was anticipating…I just handle change really poorly. Or rather, my body does.

My body can feel that change is in the air. It knows that and it is making my life all the more difficult because of it. It’s not just my emotions, it’s everything.

It’s the fact that my stomach has been a mess for about a week…that I think I’m Continue reading “The Winds of Change”

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The Best Friendships

Sometimes you meet a person and you immediately know you’re going to be friends for life.

Other times, it takes a bit longer to figure that out.

Regardless, the best friendships are those that bring out the best in you.

The best friends are those that love and respect you for who you are. Always. Regardless of your mess ups, your mistakes. They know you will become a better person because of them, that you will learn and grow from them.

They push you when they know you need it and pull you back only if they truly question whether a decision is in your best interest.

They’ll always be honest, even if the truth hurts…and they sometimes know Continue reading “The Best Friendships”

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WRITING IS MESSY, OKAY?

So, this thing called the writing process is a bitch sometimes.

The final draft of my senior seminar paper is due tomorrow. Naturally, I am scrambling to finish it in time. What else? I mean, you all know how much of a procrastinating senior I am by now.

Well, really, I’m also incredibly overwhelmed by this mess of a paper. I was determined to be productive yesterday but I got maybe 100 words written and just couldn’t do it anymore. This draft is so messy and I didn’t even know
where to begin.

I was on the verge of panicking…

…until I remembered a little trick courtesy of my wonderful comp studies Continue reading “WRITING IS MESSY, OKAY?”