If we were having coffee, I’d say hello and we’d probably exchange some pleasantries. Then, I’d dive right into how exhausting my grandfather’s funeral was on Monday. Let me start off by saying that I’ve come to realize that I prefer to grieve in private. So, naturally, I have come to realize that I despise the public grieving ground that a funeral is. Everyone patting each other on the back and offering condolences. I know people mean well but man, I just want some space. My grandfather had an open casket and at twenty-three, I have never been to an open casket funeral before. I have never in my life seen a dead body and I mean, I’m a grown up. I know a dead body is pretty harmless. It won’t bite. Still, I couldn’t handle it. I tried my best to ignore the part of the room where his casket was on display for viewing because I knew I would lose my shit…but then I decided it would be right to just take one look. So, I found myself about ten feet away from the casket–close enough to see his body from afar–and, as anticipated, lost my shit. Thankfully, my aunt and mom came to the rescue and promptly dragged me away, telling me that I should feel no obligation to look at his body when I wasn’t comfortable with it, that grandpa wouldn’t want it that way.
Needless to say, when my time comes–hopefully many, many moons from now–I intend to be cremated and turned into a tree.
I found the rest of the day to be quite exhausting–I had a headache from crying and was overwhelmed by emotions and so many people, many of whom I hadn’t seen in ages or didn’t know at all. I was happy to be back home at the end of the day to take some much needed time for myself.
If we were having coffee, I’d be about ready to switch the subject from death and funerals. So, I’d move on to telling you about the lovely afternoon I had with my dear friend Kelsey on Thursday. Kelsey and I went to the same university and became good friends while working in res life together. She just graduated a couple weeks ago and is back in the Minneapolis area, where she is also from. Since she was finishing up school, we hadn’t yet seen each other since my return from Thailand; we met up at Lake Harriet in Minneapolis for a picnic lunch and then walked around the lake. It was so nice to chat and catch up and the weather was just perfect. It was such a lovely afternoon.
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I’ve been reaching out to people that I know in the D.C. area and it looks like actually getting there is starting to become more of a reality. I’m continuing to search and apply for jobs but I also want to concentrate on actually getting there for the time being. I’m hoping to be there within a month or so, but we’ll see. I can’t begin to tell you how amazing it feels to finally be turning this long-held dream of mine into a reality. I have so enjoyed my time in Minnesota. I’ve been appreciating my home state and the Midwest in general so much more since being back and I’m grateful for the time I’ve had here–but D.C. is where I belong right now. I just know it. Stay tuned for more on that in the coming weeks.
If we were having coffee, I’d wrap up my side of the coffee share–and I’d ask if you have anything you’d like to share over coffee. If you’re reading this in the U.S., do you have any plans for Memorial Day weekend?
This post is part of the Weekend Coffee Share link up at Part Time Monster
It's a Britta Bottle! 
I’m sorry for the loss of your grandfather; you were very close to him, I take it? I agree that open caskets can be quite unsettling to view, and I do believe that cremation would be better for grieving, at least for myself.
Wishing you well with the Washington, D.C. job hunt; I am currently job hunting, too, but in Europe, as I would like to return. Memorial Day weekend will be pretty calm, perhaps a small lunch out with family. Enjoy your long weekend!
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No, I was not close to my grandfather. Regardless, he was still someone I’ve known all my life and the open casket was very hard for me. I’d rather remember someone in life than in death.
Good luck with searching for jobs in Europe. That’s very exciting. 🙂
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Oh I’m so sorry Britta. My grandmother had an open casket as well and it was my first and I really couldn’t handle it either. Reading your post took me back there, almost 20 years ago. So sad for you. I’m glad you got to hang out with a friend and have some fun. It’s such a lifeline having your friends around. And DC! How exciting!! Good work, can’t wait to hear all about it.
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Thank you, Desley. I wasn’t super close to my grandfather, but he was still someone I’ve known all my life and the open casket was a bit too much for me. I’d rather remember someone in life, anyways.
Friends certainly are a lifeline and I only hope I can make some really great ones when I move, too. Thanks! I’m still trying to figure things out with moving, but I’m hoping to get there sooner than later.
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Well said – remembering them in life 😊 Best of luck for moving sooner!!
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You have been on an emotional roller coaster and moving to DC and landing a job will be he highlight I’m sure! You mentioned being cremated and turned into a tree and it reminded me of the second book in the series “Enders Game” by Orson Scott Card. By that long away time that sci-fi will be fact.
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Yes, a bit of an emotional roller coaster for sure, and as excited as I am to move to D.C., the anxiety about moving yet again is starting to crop up. I think once I get to D.C. I need to stay in one place for a while. 🙂 I’m starting to realize that I really love change, but my body hates it (though it’s getting better with coping with it the more I go through it).
I’ve never read “Enders Game,” so I’m not sure what you’re referring to, but I’m really attracted to more sustainable ways of disposing of our bodies after death.
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Funerals can be hard and very exhausting. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m with you, I think cremation and turned into a tree or some such thing is the way to go for me.
It sounds like you had a great time with your friend. I hope you get a chance to enjoy yourself more while you plan your move to DC.
If I were just starting out in life I could think of few better places to go than the DC area. OK, it’s a little warm for me, but after Thailand I’m sure it isn’t terrible for you. I have a niece who will be starting at American University in the fall. Since I make it down there for work about once a year I plan on visiting her on occasion.
Good luck in your move!
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Thank you, Trent. Funerals ARE exhausting.
I’m trying my best to enjoy myself while here and am trying to get around to places in Minneapolis that I’ve never really been to before. I just don’t want to do TOO much because I’m trying to save as much of my money as possible for the move. So, I’ve been trying to balance it out as best as possible. I’ve also been content with introverting a lot more lately since I know moving is going to take A LOT out of me and I want to save up as much energy as possible.
Oh, there’s nowhere else I want to go but D.C. Love the city to pieces. But, we all have our places and we don’t have to like them all equally. 🙂 I’ve also already spent one humid summer in D.C. and certainly acclimated to the hottest of hot weather in Thailand. I also really despise winter and even though I know D.C. gets snow and cold, I also know it can’t be anywhere near as frigid and chilly as Minnesota in the winter!
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Oh yes, I forgot about Minnesota winters. Winter’s much worse there than even in New Hampshire, and that’s saying a lot! One of the reasons I’ve started my slow move to Cape Cod is to escape the NH winters.
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I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your grandfather and completely agree with you on 1) not liking the open casket thing 2) preferring to grieve alone 3) wanting to be turned into a tree.
I am glad that you had a nice time with Kelsey and really thrilled to hear that you might be making a move to Washington DC. Watch this space!
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Thank you, Lisa! The funeral was a hard day, but funerals do tend to be exhausting.
Yes, watch this space! Maybe I’ll create a banner displaying those words on the top of my blog. 😉 I’m still in the process of figuring out my move, but it’s going to happen sooner than later–I hope. I’ll be sure to post whatever ends up happening at some point!
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