With a new year comes new goals and a new outlook.
I’ve been reflecting a lot lately about how I’ve been living my life up until now and the changes I can make to ensure I live a fuller and more enriching life.
With this reflection, I’ve realized two things:
- I expect way too much in life. Those expectation keep me from living in the moment and being thankful for what I have.
- I am very confident in myself, but I don’t trust that confidence in situations that are outside my comfort zone.
I’m realizing more than ever in this new country where I am far away from my family and friends back in the States and hours away from TESOL friends across Thailand, that true happiness does indeed come from within.
I cannot depend on anyone else for my own personal well-being.
Relationships are everything to me. Even though I am an introvert, I thrive on the connections I make with people.
But…I’m discovering that not only do I thrive on them, I depend on them. Sometimes a little bit too much. I’ve been especially dependent on them since coming to Thailand…and I don’t like that.
I expect because I’m afraid of the unknown.
I depend because I am afraid of living in the present.
There is nothing wrong with being afraid. Vulnerability can be one of the most useful states of mind if treated with kindness and respect. It is through the understanding of my own vulnerabilities that I aim to grow stronger.
So, in 2016–and beyond–I aim to do two things consciously everyday:
- Throw away my expectations for life. After all, it was not my expectations that got me to Thailand. It was my attraction to an adventurous unknown. Make plans and create goals, look to the future with kindness and hope, but expect nothing.
- Exude confidence whenever and however I can. Not every day is going to be a good day and not every day will be a confident day, but I still want to push myself to live confidently, even when I don’t feel it at all. The more I believe in myself, the more others will believe in me. Confidence is more than a state of mind, it’s a way of life.
Of course, this won’t be an easy task. But nothing that is truly worthwhile is easy.
With that, here’s to truly living–the good, the bad and, most importantly, the moments that push us to become better, happier and more alive.