The Winds of Change

Last year, I was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder.

I did not, in fact, have general anxiety like I was anticipating…I just handle change really poorly. Or rather, my body does.

My body can feel that change is in the air. It knows that and it is making my life all the more difficult because of it. It’s not just my emotions, it’s everything.

It’s the fact that my stomach has been a mess for about a week…that I think I’m still hungry, that I want seconds, until I look at the food on my plate and feel ill.

It’s the fact that I just tried to take a nap and couldn’t sleep at all, even though I’m exhausted (it was a 5 am night last night, finishing my paper, and I didn’t sleep well when I finally did get to bed either).

It’s that pit of anxiety that is growing in my stomach that I’m always so aware of.

— — —

This week is going to be hard. Because I want to make the most of it, yet my body wants to have other plans for me.

Luckily, I’ve grown so much in the last year, I’ve learned so much about myself and how to take care of myself. I need to be doing yoga daily, I need to be writing constantly, I need be productive, keep myself busy. I need to be spending time with friends, enjoying every moment I have with them. I have one more paper due this week and a few other important tasks that need to be completed.

So yes, I know how to take care of myself.

And I will.

It’s just going to be extra hard this week.

And I think I just need to accept that.

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19 thoughts on “The Winds of Change

      1. That’s why I love yoga so much! It’s more than physical activity and really calms the mind.
        I’m happy to hear you found time to do it and it helped you!
        šŸ™‚

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  1. Hey huni, sorry to hear about your wellbeing suffering as a result of anxiety etc. I’m right there with you, it’s tough, really tough in fact – hope you succeed in fighting on through as best you can. It’s all we can do šŸ™‚ Thinking of you! Karen x

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    1. Oh goodness, thank you, Karen. This week hasn’t been as bad as I anticipated when I wrote this post, but it’s still been tough to conquer that anxiety at some points. I so appreciate your support. ā¤

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  2. Look at all these wonderful comments from bloggers/friends whose advice is top-notch! By the way, Missy, you need to focus on your last moments of school and lay off the blogging for a couple of days. We love hearing from you, but those butterflies that fuel anxiety do not need more food while you try to write up a blog post. As a lecturer myself, I know what anxiety my students go through (and what my own daughter is going through right now) and they face graduation. I’m very proud of you and am excited for your future!

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    1. Terri, you have no idea how important this comment is to me. I read this at least five times when I first saw it and thought, “gee, that sounds like something my mom or grandma would say to me.” I wrote this post because writing does help with my anxiety and I just needed to get it off my chest. That said, you are completely right–I need to focus more on living in the moment and enjoying making my last few memories of college instead of dwelling on my anxiety. I’ve been trying to do my best with that this week, and this week has been much better than I anticipated when I wrote this post. Thank you so much for this. It was something I needed to read. ā¤

      Liked by 1 person

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