Uncertain and Afraid (Journal Entry #2)

I realized something important today:

I’m scared.

I’m scared for the future.

I don’t know where I’ll be in a year and that’s scary.Today I was questioning if I even want to go to D.C. after college. I’m worried about surviving there. I’ve never had to pay bills or rent before and the jobs I’ve been looking at are entry level jobs that don’t pay well.

I realized the other day how comfortable I am in Morris. For all the griping I’ve done about wanting to leave this place, it has become home. It is safety to me.

I truly believe that the only think to fear is fear itself.

I know I’m feeling particularly anxious right now about my future.

I know I’m strong and am capable of doing so much.

But I’m still scared right now…

…Because even though I’ll be ready to leave come May and even though I want my life to be full of as much adventure as possible, I also still have anxiety. And it is perfectly acceptable to be afraid. 

But I shouldn’t let that fear dictate me.

Because I want to live. Truly live.

Even though my anxiety is telling me otherwise right now.

Just because I am experiencing doubt about my dreams for the future doesn’t mean I am any less strong.

And this is where I’m at. 

From February 1, 2015

18 Replies to “Uncertain and Afraid (Journal Entry #2)”

  1. I’m experiencing this right now too! I know *exactly* what you’re feeling. People, especially family members, keep asking me what I want to do for a job, and I keep saying, “Something with writing because I’m an English major.” I’m pretty sure you get the same questions. All college kids do. We can do this, Britta! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I know! You could be a curator, or work with old documents. Or work in the Library of Congress. That’s what my friend Julie is doing right now–she got an unpaid internship. Lucky duck! 😀


      2. Ah, I’m so jealous of Julie! I spent the summer in D.C. and reading her blog is making me miss it even more!
        I don’t want to be a curator…I did a curatorial internship this summer and it just didn’t inspire me. I would, however, like to end up working in a museum setting, though I don’t know what I want to do there yet. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, DesleyJane! It is so meaningful to hear that, because it sure doesn’t feel like I’m strong right now. I know I can take the future, but it’s still scary and I will certainly have to push myself.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, you will, but you can do it. It’s just different, but just remember that other people have done it, people of all types. There are skills and experiences that you bring, that they didn’t have and so you will approach things differently, but you will be ok. You have us for support, plus those in the physical world. One piece of advice from someone who left uni more than 15 years ago, ask for help if you need it, there’s no shame in getting a little help. You will no doubt help other people later. X

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you, DesleyJane. I think that piece of advice will be really useful for me–I’m at this point where I want to be so independent–my parents have been helping me a lot throughout college and though I really appreciate that, I am at the point where I just want to go out into the world and be 100% self-sufficient. That might not always be possible, though. Help is good sometimes and I think I’ll have to recognize that at some points of this journey.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I can totally relate to how you’re feeling … There are so many choices and possibilities in front of you, now that graduation is near… They’re exciting possibilities but at the same time, scary indeed.
    I believe that what’s meant to be, will fall into place and you’ll look back and realize it happened for a good reason:)
    It’ll all work out ok… Let yourself gravitate towards a decision that feels best for you and it’ll flow in that direction:)
    We, here in the blogosphere, are here to support you in any decision you make 😉
    Good luck and enjoy the journey… Life is truly beautiful 🙂


    1. Again, thank you so much for you support, Lia. It does mean a lot to me to have people with me here on this journey. I definitely do want to do something that’s best for me…problem is, what I think is best for me changes daily! But then again, when I come across something that I really want, hopefully I’ll just know it and wont question it at all.

      Liked by 1 person

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