I am sick and tired of writing half-assed posts.
A few weeks ago, I wrote that I was unsatisfied with my posts, that the personal stories I was trying to convey within my blog posts weren’t meeting my own personal writing standards, weren’t allowing me to truly express myself.
I vowed to turn to journal writing, and I have. My journaling has been a fantastic experience thus far. The fluidity of my journal entries, the rawness of my words–it’s incredibly gratifying to get all of those feelings down on a page, especially since I still feel so wrought with confusion in some areas of my life.
I have been blogging less frequently and have been posting about less personal aspects of my life–two things I vowed to do a couple weeks ago. Still, I have only been really and truly proud of one of my most recent posts. That’s not to say I have been unsatisfied with all of them…there have been some that have been decent, that were really quite good in some respects. That doesn’t necessarily equate to me being entirely proud of them, though. I want to be proud of all of my posts, not just a few here and there.
Lately, I feel that my writing has been clunky. I know I can write well. I know from the feedback I’ve gotten from others along with my knowledge of what good writing can look like. Part of the problem of late has not been the content of my posts, but the syntax itself. It is below the standards I expect from myself as a writer.
Why do you keep publishing work that you believe isn’t good enough then, Britta?
Really, this is a worthwhile question to ask.
The truth is, I haven’t had the time to sit down and write out well-written posts on a regular basis. This semester is incredibly busy; even though I only have twelve credits, I have so much on my plate. Yet, I still have this incessant need to post. In December, I got on this roll of posting everyday; because I was so thrilled with discovering how wonderful the blogging community can be and because I was getting new followers daily and my stats were pretty high by my standards, I was publishing pretty decent work on a day to day basis, despite how busy I was at that time with life. That’s not to say that all of my posts were amazing…I never reached a point in December where I felt unsatisfied with my work, though.
Now, although I still love the blogging community, I’m looking to take a more proactive approach to this semester and to my life in general. I spent too many late nights not accomplishing much school-wise last semester and I’m so tired of that. I am trying to hold myself accountable for my homework and I’m trying to go to bed earlier.
That, of course, leaves less time for blogging. All the blogging I got done in December was because I was seriously procrastinating on school work. Even though I managed to get good grades last semester in spite of that, I’m really tired of that lifestyle and what it did for my mental and physical health.
So, here I am.
Searching for a better way to blog.
Today is the beginning of a new approach to this blogging business.
I started to blog to write for myself–to better understand myself and to push myself as a writer. Lately, my posts have been much too rushed to do either of those well. I think What I need to develop is patience. I need to accept that well-written posts aren’t going to come to fruition in a hurry. I’m going to try to start utilizing my draft folder more often. I get too excited about posts when I start writing them that I want to get them posted immediately. That, however, isn’t always in my best interest. Lately, I’ve been churning out posts in thirty minutes max. That’s not enough time to write a decent post. As a former Understanding Writing student, I should know better than most people that writing is a process. It takes time. Fantastic writing doesn’t just happen magically. Sometimes the words come easier than others but still, it’s a process.
So, starting today, I’m going to start exercising my patience in blogging. I am going to start using my draft folder when I don’t have time to edit a post fully in one sitting. I’m going to strive to write the best posts that I can write. For myself, mainly, because writing is something I do for my own mental health, but also for the small group of readers that I’ve acquired–I want you all to be reading my best work, too!
I was texting one of my friends the other day and somehow we got on the topic of writing. She said something that I wholeheartedly agree with, something that made me think hard about the quality of my own blog posts of late: “I think you should always write what you would want to read.”
After reading her text, I thought about this for a bit. And I realized something.
The posts I am most proud of are the ones I want to read over and over again because they say something that truly matters to me, and they say it well.
I realized something else too…this need to read one of my posts over and over again hasn’t been happening enough recently.
I want to always write those posts that I would want to read because I do write for myself, because I truly believe that what I have to say matters.
I want this blog to emulate the person I strive to be: not just a hopelessly confused twenty-something (though I certainly am that), but also a strong, independent young woman who is confident in her words and in the voice she has to speak. I have grown so much in the last year and it is through writing that I am able to remind myself of that; it is through writing that I continue to learn and grow, to figure myself out, to allow myself to flourish.
I want this blog to emulate all of that and right now it’s not.
Right now, the writing I’ve been publishing is too rushed to accomplish any of that.
That changes today.
As for all those unsatisfactory posts, they will stay put at they are in their unsatisfactory forms. They are a part of my journey as a blogger, as I continually learned how I want to approach blogging and how I have evolved in the process. I firmly believe it would be wrong of me to delete those posts simply because of my own personal dissatisfaction with them. They are a part of my journey here in the blogosphere and they will remain as such.
It's a Britta Bottle! 
I love this picture of you! Just a little bit fierce and a tad girly (from the red scarf, I assume) is the right combination.
And that part where you mentioned about writing what you want to read, I completely agree with you. Other people write what their fans/the public/others want them to write even if it holds no meaning for them. That must be hard. I believe in writing for yourself, from your heart. After all, I am not here to please anyone, well, except maybe if you need good grades. 🙂 Keep on blogging girl!
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Thank you so much for your perspective and your support. I will try my best to keep on blogging and putting out what I feel is my best work. I would certainly rather be writing from heart with less followers than having tons of followers but not being satisfied with my work. 🙂
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I know completely where you’re at with this–it’s something I’m constantly going back and forth about. Your friend gives great advice–if what you’re writing isn’t something you’d want to read, then change. A few years ago, I remember being constantly dissatisfied with the travel blogs my friends abroad created. So, when I went abroad, I was determined to create the travel blog I had always wanted to read. It’s important to create content not for the sake of putting stuff out there and getting followers, but writing things that are true to yourself. Best of luck on your journey! As always, I look forward to seeing with what you come up with.
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P.S. You look absolutely STUNNING in that photo! Nina’s work is so incredible.
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Thank you! I haven’t seen the rest of the images from the shoot, but I’m so excited based on this one. This may be my favorite photo she’s taken of me so far (though I say that after every photo shoot I do with her. 🙂 )
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Thank you Amelia, I’m so glad you’re still along for the ride. 🙂
I just think this will be a continuous struggle for me throughout my blogging journey. I always think this battle between the allure of internet success and writing for myself will get easier, but it certainly hasn’t been. It has certainly been evolving as I grow as a blogger, but it’s still there.
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Not to sound pessimistic, but it will always be there. I’ve been blogging (although not on WordPress) for going on seven years and it’s still a factor. It’s part of being an artist–we are never fully satisfied with our work. And when we are, we look back at our creations and go, “What was I thinking?” It’s a journey we all go through, and you have an army of supporters backing you up who will read anything and everything you write and won’t love you any less for it. 🙂
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I don’t think that’s pessimistic, it’s just honest. 🙂 It’s something I’m trying to accept as part of the blogging experience, but gosh is that acceptance hard sometimes.
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Breaks are good. Drafts are good. At the same time, whatever your heart wants to say can be said–whether it is coherent or not. Sometimes, the raw and not so pretty posts are the most powerful. Each of my poems are first drafts…I get up and write then post. I don’t think too hard. There are poems that I like and some that I end up going back a few days later and deleting because I just don’t like them. That doesn’t mean that they weren’t good or that I didn’t learn something from it or enjoy writing it. It was just my thoughts for the day…foggy and less eloquent than others. Maybe write shorter posts on the days you don’t have as much time. Or, like you said, draft them. But, I think writing is good…any type of writing. Start poetry. Start advice. Start anything! Experiment. Sure, write what you want to read…but also write what you want to say…blogging should be fun, I think you are too hard on yourself. Enjoy it and let the creative juices flow how they may. Some days the waves may be flat–okay, so don’t worry about it that day. But sometimes the less we think, the better the writing is.
Relax. And seriously, you are too hard on yourself…your posts are great!!
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Thank you so much for your insights and encouragements, Hagen! I hadn’t even considered that it’s possible I’m being too hard on myself until I read your comment. Perhaps I am, though I tend to be too hard on myself about a lot of things.
Ha, I very frequently go into a post with the intention of it being short, but it just keeps getting longer and longer. Maybe that’s something I should work on. 🙂 I’m definitely not going to stop writing, even if I don’t blog as much. I have been loving my journal experience so far and intend to continue with it!
Again, thank you so much, Hagen and thank you for sharing a bit of your own writing process. I find it interesting to see how other bloggers approach the writing process for their own posts.
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Awesome!! Sounds like a plan then 🙂 I always look forward to reading your posts..no matter their length 😉 Keep it up…whether in a journal or on the blog!
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Britta Power! Love it. And that photo by Nina is Fabulous.
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Thank you, Lisa!
I’ve done photo shoots with Nina in the past and I honestly think this is my favorite of them all, and I haven’t even seen how the rest of the shoot turned out yet!
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You have good clear goals here Britta, I like that. If it’s interfering with your sleep and school, you probably should change up your routine. Can you write on public transport? I often have brilliant ideas on a plane and I write in my notes app for later. Making good use of your drafts folder is a good idea, I’ve just started doing that too. I liked the idea of an editorial calendar. @jillypopmusic has set hers up really well, I’m inspired by hers! Anyway, enough rambling, I just wanted to check in and make sure you’re ok and you let you know you have support here. X
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Thank you so much for checking in DesleyJane. It means so much to me. I’m alright, just a little stressed and anxious about all I have on my plate right now. While I am proud of the goals I set out in this post, I definitely think my stress shows through in it (I wrote this on Sunday night, so I’m a bit more detached from this post than I usually am immediately after publishing a post).
I go to school on a really small campus and I live on campus, so I don’t need to utilize public transport…but maybe in the future when I have a big kid job, I could do that! I will check out the editorial calendar idea and I’m definitely going to start using my draft folder.
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I’m glad you’re ok. Stress can be good in small doses if you can roll with it and use it to make a plan. If it gets too much, that’s when you get sick and we don’t want that! I’ve just made use of scheduling posts as well and it really frees you up to actually write when you want to write. Good luck with it! X
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Your last reply ended up in my spam folder, which doesn’t make sense at all, but I’m just seeing it now.
I’ve been scheduling my posts more often AND using my draft folder and I love it. It definitely does free up more time and I feel so much more satisfied when I give my posts time to sit instead of plugging a bunch of words out in one sitting.
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Yeah, me too, it feels more complete that way…
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Your blog post arrives just in time to mimic how busy my last two weeks has been and how I’ve tried to write or post photos but between the snow and busy work schedules, my blog has suffered. I think that blogs are different than Facebook or Twitter or Instagram in that it does take time to produce something to post and I often worry I’m not posting frequently enough but at times, I don’t find enough inspiration…
That being said, I try to keep my eyes open for inspiration everywhere and just got some “fresh” ideas…
With regards to your blog, we, the readers, enjoy hearing about what’s going on in your life and I know that I reminisce about my own college life and the decisions and paths I made…your story is our story….unique of course, but similar in many ways.
The joy of blogging comes not only from the community who reads you but the words that pour out from the heart.
Keep it up — but also focus on your school work too since in the end, that’s what is super important!
We, your readers, will be here with a smile, waiting for your next post when you have time and when your fingers feel like writing!
PS your photo is so lovely — indeed it shows your inner and outer beauty, as well as your independence, your drive and your spirit!
Life is short…Eat dessert first! (that’s my new motto I saw somewhere!)
Lia
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Thank you so much, Lia! I’m finding that I’m embroiled in this constant struggle between reaching out to the community and writing for myself in this blogging business. It’s a struggle that can be super gratifying at times, but also super frustrating!
I definitely believe inspiration can be found almost anywhere if you look hard enough. That’s easier said than done sometimes when life gets busy, though. I’ve also been struggling with putting my inspiration into words lately, since I’ve been drained from my busy schedule (one of the reasons I’m turning to drafting).
I’m so glad to know that I have readers supporting me with this, though. I forget that sometimes, especially since it’s been hard to interact as completely as I’d like and post quality stuff since schools started.
Haha, love the new motto. Dessert is certainly too good to pass up!
Again, thank you so much. I look forward to your next posts, whenever you find the time to write some more! 🙂
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