I am sick and tired of writing half-assed posts.
A few weeks ago, I wrote that I was unsatisfied with my posts, that the personal stories I was trying to convey within my blog posts weren’t meeting my own personal writing standards, weren’t allowing me to truly express myself.
I vowed to turn to journal writing, and I have. My journaling has been a fantastic experience thus far. The fluidity of my journal entries, the rawness of my words–it’s incredibly gratifying to get all of those feelings down on a page, especially since I still feel so wrought with confusion in some areas of my life.
I have been blogging less frequently and have been posting about less personal aspects of my life–two things I vowed to do a couple weeks ago. Still, I have only been really and truly proud of one of my most recent posts. That’s not to say I have been unsatisfied with all of them…there have been some that have been decent, that were really quite good in some respects. That doesn’t necessarily equate to me being entirely proud of them, though. I want to be proud of all of my posts, not just a few here and there.
Lately, I feel that my writing has been clunky. I know I can write well. I know from the feedback I’ve gotten from others along with my knowledge of what good writing can look like. Part of the problem of late has not been the content of my posts, but the syntax itself. It is below the standards I expect from myself as a writer.
Why do you keep publishing work that you believe isn’t good enough then, Britta?
Really, this is a worthwhile question to ask.
The truth is, I haven’t had the time to sit down and write out well-written posts on a regular basis. This semester is incredibly busy; even though I only have twelve credits, I have so much on my plate. Yet, I still have this incessant need to post. In December, I got on this roll of posting everyday; because I was so thrilled with discovering how wonderful the blogging community can be and because I was getting new followers daily and my stats were pretty high by my standards, I was publishing pretty decent work on a day to day basis, despite how busy I was at that time with life. That’s not to say that all of my posts were amazing…I never reached a point in December where I felt unsatisfied with my work, though.
Now, although I still love the blogging community, I’m looking to take a more proactive approach to this semester and to my life in general. I spent too many late nights not accomplishing much school-wise last semester and I’m so tired of that. I am trying to hold myself accountable for my homework and I’m trying to go to bed earlier.
That, of course, leaves less time for blogging. All the blogging I got done in December was because I was seriously procrastinating on school work. Even though I managed to get good grades last semester in spite of that, I’m really tired of that lifestyle and what it did for my mental and physical health.
So, here I am.
Searching for a better way to blog.
Today is the beginning of a new approach to this blogging business.
I started to blog to write for myself–to better understand myself and to push myself as a writer. Lately, my posts have been much too rushed to do either of those well.
I think What I need to develop is patience. I need to accept that well-written posts aren’t going to come to fruition in a hurry. I’m going to try to start utilizing my draft folder more often. I get too excited about posts when I start writing them that I want to get them posted immediately. That, however, isn’t always in my best interest. Lately, I’ve been churning out posts in thirty minutes max. That’s not enough time to write a decent post. As a former Understanding Writing student, I should know better than most people that writing is a process. It takes time. Fantastic writing doesn’t just happen magically. Sometimes the words come easier than others but still, it’s a process.
So, starting today, I’m going to start exercising my patience in blogging. I am going to start using my draft folder when I don’t have time to edit a post fully in one sitting. I’m going to strive to write the best posts that I can write. For myself, mainly, because writing is something I do for my own mental health, but also for the small group of readers that I’ve acquired–I want you all to be reading my best work, too!
I was texting one of my friends the other day and somehow we got on the topic of writing. She said something that I wholeheartedly agree with, something that made me think hard about the quality of my own blog posts of late: “I think you should always write what you would want to read.”
After reading her text, I thought about this for a bit. And I realized something.
The posts I am most proud of are the ones I want to read over and over again because they say something that truly matters to me, and they say it well.
I realized something else too…this need to read one of my posts over and over again hasn’t been happening enough recently.
I want to always write those posts that I would want to read because I do write for myself, because I truly believe that what I have to say matters.
I want this blog to emulate the person I strive to be: not just a hopelessly confused twenty-something (though I certainly am that), but also a strong, independent young woman who is confident in her words and in the voice she has to speak. I have grown so much in the last year and it is through writing that I am able to remind myself of that; it is through writing that I continue to learn and grow, to figure myself out, to allow myself to flourish.
I want this blog to emulate all of that and right now it’s not.
Right now, the writing I’ve been publishing is too rushed to accomplish any of that.
That changes today.
As for all those unsatisfactory posts, they will stay put at they are in their unsatisfactory forms. They are a part of my journey as a blogger, as I continually learned how I want to approach blogging and how I have evolved in the process. I firmly believe it would be wrong of me to delete those posts simply because of my own personal dissatisfaction with them. They are a part of my journey here in the blogosphere and they will remain as such.