It’s the little things that can really make the biggest difference.
“What is your favorite color, Britta?”
So asked Laura at lunch today.
“I was thinking about you this morning and I realized that I know a lot of really deep, personal things about you but I don’t really know anything on the surface.”
It’s true…as an introvert, I tend to build meaningful friendships with the people I feel most comfortable talking about those personal parts of my life with. I suck at small talk so those surface things, like what my favorite color happens to be, rarely come up in conversation.
For her to acknowledge that was really nice today. We spent much of the rest of lunch asking each other about our favorite movies, books, and animals. I love knowing that I have such kind and thoughtful friends.
About a half an hour ago, I checked my phone to find I had a text message from Nina, one of my freshman year floor mates who happens to be an excellent photographer:
“Britta! I’d love to shoot with you again sometime…indoors of course, so we don’t freeze!”
Photography shoots with Nina are the best. We rarely see each other anymore because we have different friend groups and very different lives. However, whenever we get together for a photography shoot, it feels just like old times back during freshman year. She’s really easy to get a long with and is so fun to spend time with. I love that she still thinks of me occasionally for photography shoots; I greatly admire her work and it is always a pleasure for me to be a part of it.
Today has been a pretty blah day so far.
Part of the reason is that I’m exhausted.
It’s only the third week of school and I’ve been questioning how I’m going to make it through at this rate.
I’ve been trying to go to bed earlier the last couple nights in order to catch up on sleep, but I’m still exhausted. Last night, it hit 8:00 and I was overcome with tiredness. I just needed to sleep. I got around 8 hours of sleep last night and I still woke up today feeling extraordinarily tired. I ended up taking a nap after my one class today.
I’ve come to realize that my body is burned out from this messed up schedule I’ve been living. Last semester, I was getting an average of less than 6 hours of sleep a night. Over winter break, while I did catch up on some much needed sleep, I was still going to bed at 2 a.m. and waking up at noon pretty regularly. While I intended on getting more sleep this semester, I realized a few days ago that I’ve still been going to bed at 2 a.m. I’ve still been running on less than 6 hours of sleep on the week days and sleeping until noon on the weekends.
My goal for this year is balance. And I’m not succeeding. At least not right now.
I need to change my mindset.
I need to be getting to bed earlier, waking up earlier, making use of my days to the best of my ability.
This won’t be easy to implement. I have become a pro at procrastinating, at sitting on Facebook and WordPress all day, only to get started on my homework at 10:00 p.m.
I need to hold myself accountable.
Even though I only have twelve credits this semester, all three of my classes are extremely demanding and require a lot from me.
This messed up sleep schedule, this lack of prioritizing my time right, is catching up to me. I can blame it on senioritis all I want, but that’s not going to make myself feel better.
If balance is what I want, I am going to actively have to aim for it.
Getting to bed earlier. Getting up earlier. Being more productive.
Accountability is the key here.
And as I try to implement this new lifestyle to the best of my ability, those little things in life–the unexpected bits of kindness from others–will keep me going. Along with my own drive to succeed, of course.
I’m tired of being such a load.
I’m tired of being tired.
I’m ready for a change.
Balance. I thought I was doing better at that this year; let’s face it though, I’m not. Not yet, at least.
Now it’s time to actively start living with that word in mind.