I’ve been thinking a lot in the last few days.
Okay, well I’m always thinking about something. As an introvert, I spent A LOT of time in my head.
However, I’ve been doing some really deep, contemplative thinking the last few days.
Because I haven’t been satisfied with my blog posts.
Because I’ve had a lot of weird things going on in my head and I’ve been more confused than usual lately.
Somewhere between yesterday and today, I realized–my personal dissatisfaction with my posts and the confusion in my head go hand in hand.
I haven’t been satisfied with my blog posts because I’ve been trying to touch the brink of this confusion in them; however, it hasn’t been working…at least not writing in this public blog.
I thought I didn’t want to blog because I didn’t have the urge to write.
That is simply not true.
I have so much to write about.
I just don’t want to write about it here.
What’s going on in my head is too private. It’s not that I’m guarding it from anyone. Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows that, generally speaking, I do not guard any part of myself too tightly. Generally speaking, I need to write about those private parts of myself to heal, to move on.
No. It’s more that I don’t want to share what’s happening right now.
I have turned to journaling–something I rarely do–to get those confusions out of my system. To try to make sense of them. To learn and grow from them.
I still want to participate in the blogging community, of course. I’ve grown to love WordPress. I feel so welcome and so safe here. I will still be blogging–posting and participating in the community.
I can’t tell you how often I will be posting, but I can tell you that, at least for now, I wont be getting so personal on the blog. Because I need to sort that part of me out for myself.
Because I need to write for myself right now. Wholly and completely for myself.
It's a Britta Bottle! 
I can completely relate to this post and I genuinely do hope that everything going on in your head manages to get sorted and that getting it all out in public will free you to move on happily! I’m always here if you need to chat xx
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Thanks so much, Chelle. Right now, I just need time to myself to think about all this. I have thought about opening up to people, but I’m not even quite sure what I would open up about at this point. I do appreciate the support so much, though, and I will certainly let you know if I need to chat. 🙂
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A few months ago, I went through the hardest, most confusing, terrible, frustrating, scary, intimidating and amazing time of my life. A lot of stuff was thrown at me and I, too, began to write in a journal. I had never written more than two nights in a row in a journal, it just was never my thing. But for a couple months I wrote in it every single night. It’s funny, looking back, how once things started to clear up, once the terrible-ness was over (or at least coming to a close) I stopped writing in it. I started blogging more without the need to journal. It’s really interesting to see the timing of it all. I am happy that you found journaling for you right now. Keep writing, whether in a journal or for everyone to see…pain and confusion sometimes makes for the best writing…even trying different styles of writing can help bring out a side of you that you never even knew existed. It is a beautiful discovery, so enjoy the mess! I know we are only fellow bloggers, but know that I am here to talk to as well…but I understand (first-hand) some things just take time to figure out in our own heads. 🙂 But, you know where to reach me.
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Thank you so much Hagen! You are such an inspiration! I’m not even sure what’s going on right now. I wouldn’t call this a terrible time at all. I’m not upset or anything. Just confused. I’m trying to just accept these weird thoughts as they come. A year ago I would have tried to push them away because they are a little uncomfortable and kind of weird, but now I’m really trying to sit with them, understand them. Maybe I wont ever understand the thoughts themselves, but I believe sitting with them will allow me to at least understand myself a little better. I’ve been keeping journals for years and years…I just rarely write in them and I’m excited to started using journaling for a bit of a different purpose, whatever that purpose ends up being.
Also, I am continually amazed by the people I have met on here on WordPress–including you. You have all changed my life for the better (I’m serious). I was thinking earlier today about all the support I’ve been getting from all of my fellow bloggers and how amazing that is. We may “only” be fellow bloggers, but we can still have such an amazing impact on each other.
Thank you so much for kind words of wisdom and support. It means so much to me. Truly.
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I love this post. I understand your struggles. I’ve experienced them. In fact, I am experiencing them. Sometimes life gets in the way of my writing. And I know I shouldn’t let it. There are too many thoughts bouncing around in my head that it’s becoming harder to write. But because of this I must continue writing.
I’ve tried journaling, and let me tell you this: it’s cheaper than therapy.
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I’m looking forward to utilizing my journals a little differently now. I’ve been writing in journals since I was probably nine or ten, though for the past five or six years, I’ve been writing in them very sparingly. I love blogging, but I don’t think it should be my only way of getting my thoughts out there.
It’s true, though, how life can get in the way of writing. Aside from confused thoughts, I’m just extremely busy right now and am overwhelmed at the thought that I wont be able to put as much time into writing with the busy semester that I have ahead of me. I’m going to force myself to, though. I certainly wont be posting on my blog everyday, but I just know with all that’s going on, that I’ll have to try to let off a little steam through writing on daily basis.
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Although the semester just started, I wish to be done with it. You’re right. It’s only the second week and it’s already hectic. I’m lucky if I can squeeze some writing time into my schedule.
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I suppose we have to make time.
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