I’ve been thinking a lot in the last few days.
Okay, well I’m always thinking about something. As an introvert, I spent A LOT of time in my head.
However, I’ve been doing some really deep, contemplative thinking the last few days.
Because I haven’t been satisfied with my blog posts.
Because I’ve had a lot of weird things going on in my head and I’ve been more confused than usual lately.
Somewhere between yesterday and today, I realized–my personal dissatisfaction with my posts and the confusion in my head go hand in hand.
I haven’t been satisfied with my blog posts because I’ve been trying to touch the brink of this confusion in them; however, it hasn’t been working…at least not writing in this public blog.
I thought I didn’t want to blog because I didn’t have the urge to write.
That is simply not true.
I have so much to write about.
I just don’t want to write about it here.
What’s going on in my head is too private. It’s not that I’m guarding it from anyone. Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows that, generally speaking, I do not guard any part of myself too tightly. Generally speaking, I need to write about those private parts of myself to heal, to move on.
No. It’s more that I don’t want to share what’s happening right now.
I have turned to journaling–something I rarely do–to get those confusions out of my system. To try to make sense of them. To learn and grow from them.
I still want to participate in the blogging community, of course. I’ve grown to love WordPress. I feel so welcome and so safe here. I will still be blogging–posting and participating in the community.
I can’t tell you how often I will be posting, but I can tell you that, at least for now, I wont be getting so personal on the blog. Because I need to sort that part of me out for myself.
Because I need to write for myself right now. Wholly and completely for myself.